Sometimes we think of confidence as this big, loud thing like a spotlight moment or a bold personality trait. But the more I sit with it, the more I realize confidence often shows up in quieter ways. It’s in the way you step into a room and choose not to shrink back. Confidence isn’t about being perfect, or even fearless; I think it’s about trusting yourself enough to show up authentically, even when you don’t have everything figured out.
I also really don’t think confidence is just about how you appear to others; I believe it’s also about how you feel about yourself on the inside, because it’s easy to dress confidently when you do not feel confident, and on some days that might just be all we can give, but I don’t think it should be the norm. While I would always want to appear confident on the outside, I also want to feel my best on the inside.
I’m learning that confidence is strongly tied to self-trust, the belief that you can rely on yourself to make decisions that reflect who you are. It’s just really important to be aware that when you repeatedly go against your values, you may begin to feel like you can’t trust your own judgment. When you act in ways that don’t align with what you truly believe, you create some sort of gap between your actions and your identity, and that gap often leads to second-guessing yourself and feeling “out of character”.
Recently had a moment of derailment, and it made me feel so awful. No worse feeling than knowing that I could have avoided an outcome if I stuck to what I truly believe in. I found myself acting out of character, and I have had to sit with my thoughts to realise that it all began to have an effect on the way I present myself outwardly. I have come to realize that the times I’m tapped, confidence-wise, are the times I overlook my values for any reason at all. At the moment, I might believe that some actions do not exactly have to align with the values I consider important, but afterwards, I begin to feel my lowest, and it somehow shows in my self-comportment, because I believed that I could take a shorter route, but it was just a disservice to myself and what I stand for.
Beliefs are important; they keep us in alignment with the goals we’ve set for ourselves, but when we let go of our principles, we somehow begin to go off course from the goals we set. It might not be noticeable, but at the latter when we look back, we see the paths where we might have derailed, and realize that if we had stayed grounded in what we believed in, the results would be as we indeed desire.
I think surrounding yourself with people who challenge the way you think also makes a big difference. It’s really about knowing that there might be situations that might challenge your belief systems, but having the right people in your corner helps, as they become a source of influence on your actions.
When our choices don’t line up with who we really are, it’s easy to start pleasing others or justifying yourself. And I never want to be that kind of person; no one should be that kind of person, because it chips away at that grounded confidence that comes from honouring what truly matters to you.
I often want to radiate authenticity, and when I betray my principles, that authenticity weakens, and others may subconsciously pick up on it, which might just end up shaking my sense of assurance in myself. On the flip side, I believe living in line with your values builds an inner consistency that reinforces self-trust and confidence. I believe it gives you a steady foundation, even when external circumstances shift.
